Crap

For the past few months I've been so preoccupied with my stupid Starbucks job, that I quit and a failed relationship with my dad. I would have to become very brave and not afraid of being vulnerable or exposed to let you know why I dislike this man with a passion, especially now.
I wish I could tell someone what he did to me that way it didn't seem unexpectedly rude to say "I don't care what happens to that man" or sometimes "hate". All I know is that there are some very lucky girls in this world who get to have a normal relationship with their fathers and get to spend time with them the way it was intended.
I just don't understand what God's purpose was in all of this. They say that he doesn't put anything in your path that you can't handle but what if a semi truck runs you down?! Why would a father betray all moral values and why after we forgave him for it out of no where choose to disown me and want nothing to do with me. IS that really a father or dad or just a sperm donor.
Tears fall from my eyes but not from what he had and has done to me but for what I didn't get to experience or to have. My mother has her father (grandpa) to our house every year for a month or so and it's wonderful that they can do that. That he loves her so much, but not too much and he still tries to give guidance. Some might read this, well if anyone even reads my blog I don't think so, but if they do you might think that oh one day it will be all right. I very much doubt that. I am a twenty-one year old woman and if it's not out of stubbornness then it's from good judgement not to let him back into a life he nearly destroyed. You know this blog may even be better than any therapist I saw. They always have very beady judging eyes. can't stand them :)

Thanks for letting me vent